Real Bad Fish Birthday Lunch
The Foodarama bad fish thing was a major life bummer.
Poor Blatt and Loey
It wasn't their fault
Lunch for my birthday! How nice!
But there was real bad fish
With the first bite my tongue instantly recoiled
Then my palette
Then my nose and sinuses
Then my mind, slower to respond
Is momentarily paralysed
In horrified disbelief
Could anything taste this bad?
This bad fish, this real bad fish!
Took hours to get the taste out of my mouth,
And four more hours to get it out of my mind.
I could taste it again just by remembering it!
Now that it's over and in the past, the memory is fuzzy
It was a vile taste - the worst ever
But I don't taste it anymore.
So I wish I could still at least remember the taste
Just for a second as horrible as it was.
I don't want to lose any memories good or bad.
You know what I mean?
(I can still sort of remember it a little if I get into it. )
I Can Write Shit
I've been reading about writing.
And one thing I've learned is that
It doesn't have to rhyme.
It doesn't have to be funny
or make sense
or be the truth
or have proper punctuation
or correct spelling
It doesn't have to line up either.
It can be whatever I want.
I can write whatever I want.
It can be pure shit
And it's OK.
This Is What It's Like
You want to know what it's like?
Well, the leaf pickup guy was just here.
He makes pretty good money.
He picks up a lot of leaves
Well most of them anyway.
He never touches a leaf.
Scoops them up with a bulldozer
Doesn't even have a rake for chrissakes.
He asked me if I had one.
I told him no, I just rent the place.
Told him I'm glad he's picking up all those goddamn leaves
The neighbors were complaining about it.
He asks me why.
I told him because they think they're MY leaves
They blow up on their lawns.
I just rent so it's not my problem.
But the neighbors don't care.
They just don't want "my" leaves on their lawn.
I tell them it's the landlord's problem.
You want to know what it's like?
Like I was saying
The leaf pickup guy was just here.
Nobody wants to hear complaints
So I think I'll just write about it.
I have lots of complaints.
I have some that are pretty common
Like noise, dust, taxes, and getting old.
But there are some things I don't like
That most "normal" people do:
I don't like football - and I'm a guy!
I couldn't care less who wins the Super Bowl
Or any other fucking Bowl.
I used to try to hide it and appear normal.
But I'm out of the closet now
And I can proudly say:
I'M NOT NORMAL! I HATE FOOTBALL!
I like little kids
But not babies.
I'm not complaining about them
So babies don't really belong in this "poem"
But I just don't think they're cute.
I've tried to like babies
Because you're supposed to like them
I like cats much better - they're cute.
Hey, I tried.
I don't like people who use pretentious language
Like people who say "utilize" when they mean "use"
Or "methodology" when they mean "method"
Or meaningless advertising phrases
Like "apartment community"
Whose words are a contradiction
(I know I'm done with the "shit" poem
But this is starting to sound like more shit.
I have to remind myself that it's ok.)
Back to the complaints.
I don't like authority.
I have no respect.
I don't like the lip service we pay to:
(a) The value of education
(b) The value of children
If we really valued children
There wouldn't be so much child abuse
Or kids in day-care
Or kids in foster care
Or teen suicide.
If we really valued education
Teachers would make more money than salesman.
Parents would show up on parent/teacher night
We wouldn't bad-mouth science and scientists and teachers
And Albert Einsteinís picture would be on a box of Wheaties.